According to Vocabulary.com, ‘a womanizer is a man who always seems to have a new girlfriend, and who has no hesitation about starting up a new relationship before he’s ended the last one. Usually, these relationships are sexual and don’t last long.”
Please read the story below, as sent by a reader.
How it all started – the appetizer!
I had a crush on Charles, my brother’s best friend when I newly moved to Lagos.
Charles came around more often than my brother visited him, but he wasn’t looking my way initially. With time, we got talking and when we became too comfortable with ourselves, I began to see him too as a brother. Then I realized later on that he was a chronic womanizer, but that didn’t really bother me because I had my own boyfriend whom they were all aware of. I knew about their girls too.
One day, I saw Charles at Airtel office and he told me his house was nearby. He accused me of being unfair to him because I had never bothered to know where lived. I apologized and told him I could use the opportunity to know his house since I was close by.
When we got to his house, he took off his shirt and trousers, saying he wanted to cool off. I saw the thirsty demon resurrect. He was trying to hide it, but I had noticed. We both knew it was not right for him to make any funny move. The ‘bro code’ had to be kept, and even though I had a crush on him too, we managed to shake it off. I left his place peacefully that day.
The first hit – the entrée.
One night, my brother’s girlfriend came around and we all had enough drinking and dancing. My brother went to drop his girl at her place. I was in my room and Charles came in and I didn’t resist him that time. After we had sex, there was gloom between us. He buried his face on my pillow and refused to look at me. On my part, I was feeling like I had done something really wrong; something like incest!
I went into the bath and I was there for a very long time. He picked his things and went home. All through the night he was calling and texting me not to disclose what happened to my brother. I didn’t respond.
Days passed and I didn’t see Charles. I became restless. I missed him. It got too bad that I practically prayed God to touch his mind to visit us again. Later that day he called me. He started telling me how he has been in love with me and has always visited my brother just so he would see me and how he has lost his mind and does nothing else other than think of me since that night and so on. I felt the same way too but I no wan fall hand.
I didn’t give him the response he expected and before I knew it he was at our house. Right before my brother he gave me the biggest hug of my life and told my brother he had fallen madly in love with me and cannot hide his feelings any longer. I quickly withdrew my self from his arms. Like we were in a movie, we all looked at ourselves.
My angry brother asked Charles wetin him drink before coming to his house. I didn’t know they had argued and quarreled about it earlier on. The room was heating up then Charles left.
He left with my heart. I loved him too. I broke up with my boyfriend and I started seeing Charles secretly for a while until he went on a business trip abroad. Nigeria became so empty.
One evening, my brother returned from work and saw me crying. His face changed when I told him I was crying because I was missing Charles. He gave up the fight the day Charles returned from his business trip. I followed him home from the airport and stayed there for two days. Na then he know say water don pass garri.
My brother came on the third day and we all talked and laughed again, like we used to.
The main course – the dessert!
Fast forward to October November 2015. I was posted to Ogun state for my NYSC but it changed nothing. I visited Lagos every weekend to be with my Charles. It was all sweet and rosy until after 7 months. I received a call, and realized that that Charles had impregnated a food seller. A 17 year old Ebonyi state girl who barely finished primary school and was helping her aunt to supply ofe akwu to her customers.
He was crying that it was devil’s handiwork. He begged that I forgive and accept him back. The girl’s family on the other hand was forcing him to marry their daughter since she was pregnant. I stopped picking his calls and also ignored his messages. I blocked him on social media too.
How could my Charles lower his standards to sleep with that dirty girl and without condoms too? That’s what broke my heart the most and made me sick for months.
Sometime later, I received a text message from a foreign number. It was Charles. He told me that he quit his job and had moved to Indonesia. I told him it was quite irresponsible of him to run off to Indonesia abandoning the poor girl and her unborn child. “A balance of shame and atonement, maybe” I thought as i deleted the message.
Thanks to a friend who told me truth that felt like a double hard knock on my head. She said, “whatever made you think you could yank a steady leash on a local dog that is used to eating shit. Someday, the dog would be set loose and it would continue from where it stopped”
She also said I should thank God it happened early enough. If it had happened after we probably settled, maybe Charles would be sleeping with my house help or someone worse. If he could do it with the food seller, he could do it with any other girl. Her words were quite harsh but they really helped.
I thought Charles had changed, and I believed I was enough and did enough for him. I still cry everyday but I know I’ll be fine. Some day.
This definition at the beginning of this post is enough red flag. When you notice these tendencies in a person, it just doesn’t make any sense to get into a relationship with such person. If you must give the person a chance to change, it shouldn’t be while you are standing a risk of being hurt. Let them change outside a relationship with you. When you are convinced the womanizer in him has been taken care of, you can then give a chance.
I hope you have learnt from this story.
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