Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Do you covet expensive things, just because they’re expensive?
Do you work all day and night in the hope that, one day, you’ll get behind the wheel of a Lamborghini and allow everyone around you to think: “Sigh, what a wally“?
Well, let me buy you a drink.
This is no ordinary drink.
This is an extraordinary drink. And once you’ve tried it, you might think it an extraordinary waste of money.
It’s called the Velvet Goldmine.
Yes, that sounds like a swingers club. And perhaps somewhere in the consciousness of its creators, they wanted to offer you a sense of complete abandon.
And exalted vacuousness.
You see, the Velvet Goldmine is a $500 milkshake.
Featured in L.A.’s The Powder Room bar, this concoction takes 40 minutes to make. And, one imagine, just a few seconds to disdain.
The recipe seems to have changed a little over the years.
But please let me quote CNBC’s oozing description: “The creamy drink starts with a crystal goblet lined with Amedei Porcelina chocolate. The chocolate alone retails for $90 per pound.”
And somewhere, Howard Schultz chuckles that his $10 Starbucks Reserve coffee is a bargain.
I hear you mumbling: “But how can any milkshake be worth $500?”
Well, it can’t. But in this case, there are “four scoops of English lavender and Tahitian vanilla organic ice cream, which costs $25 per pint.”
There’s all sorts of other nonsense, like truffles.
But the true secret of excess here is the ounce of Remy Martin Louis 13 cognac. This retails at $3,200 a bottle.
I fear I’d recognize it in a blind taste test. As being a $50 bottle, that is.
But that’s not the only alcohol in this Goldmine.
They throw some rum and a couple of whiskeys in there, too. As well the compulsory edible gold flakes.
“You’re going to remember where you were, you’re going to remember who you were with, you’re going to remember this experience,” the Powder Room’s owner John Arakaki told CNBC.
Hopefully, you’ll also remember that someone else bought it for you.
To help you remember you had it, the bartender throws in a Waterford Crystal chalice Swarovski crystal cocktail ring.
Because if you’re the sort of person who drinks one of these things, you’re certainly the sort of person who’d wear a a Waterford Crystal chalice Swarovski crystal cocktail ring.